the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
