he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
