covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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