This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
