areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
