The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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