I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
