one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
