He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
