it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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