Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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