3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
