even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
