I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Help. Why am I so naked?
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