I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize