The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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