All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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