I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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