you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
