I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
