I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
