she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
