i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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