hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
