I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
