Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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