I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
