so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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