I need help removing her.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
