everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
