I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
