I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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