Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize