She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
