I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to walk on stilts...naked
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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