1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
