Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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