I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
