oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
