She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
