i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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