I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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