My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
