Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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