my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
