So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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