So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
