I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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