I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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