So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
