I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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