Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
