I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
