I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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