Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
