Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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