His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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