don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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