Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
