im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
