if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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