It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
