You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
