i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
